THAT'S What Jesus Would Do!

Lately I have been in an emotional battle dealing with decisions and consequences. I had been chastising myself for going in circles over someone who didn't deserve any space in my head or heart. And yet he did. I couldn't understand why I was tormenting myself to make things right and clear the air. I had been praying for answers and patience to wait for them and today it became so very clear. I was seeking peace because peace is a gift that should be shared with those around us. Mark 5:9 tells us that "blessed is the peacemaker", meaning we will be rewarded for intentionally bring peace to our relationships. However it is not easy because peacemakers are those who turn the other cheek (v.39), go the extra mile (v.41), and love their enemies while praying for those who persecute them (v.44). Applying this to my circumstance, he may be comfortable with the distance and disdain that he created and harbors, however he will be stuck there. He will not grow from it. I, on the other hand, will be greatly rewarded for choosing to promote peace during his persecution. That's what Jesus would do!

But it doesn't end there. My lesson was not intended to motivate me to press and press and press my peace on someone who doesn't want to accept it. The offer is there, and there it will remain until he decides he is ready to grow. The true lesson in this shakedown was God allowing stormy circumstances to shake loose the things I have been refusing to release, similar to a mighty wind that brings down the dead limbs from a tree. Now that the mess is no longer attached, I can clean it up and get rid of it. Again, That's what Jesus would do!

No More Tears

The Y chromosome is very interesting. There are alot of nuts and bolts on that extra leg of the X that men are missing. So, ladies, stop wondering why men act the way they do. Especially when it comes to feelings and love. When men start to get that itch of care for someone, alarms start going off and they flee the building. BUT there is no need for tears, gals! They'll be back. However, please note that when they come back, they will act nonchalant, like they don't care. This is their defense mechanism when they feel vulnerable. Here is what you should and should not do:

Do NOT wait by the phone for him to call and answer on the first ring.
Do NOT jump at the first opportunity to go out with him.
Do NOT be easily available.
DO keep yourself busy.
DO act like you have better plans when he calls to hang out (especially with another guy).
DO go out (and possibly be seen) with other ppl and have a great time.

I guarantee he WILL call back. He WILL find/make time to spend with you. He WILL be upset that he is not first in your world. And he WILL make sure to not act that stupid ever again. In his mind, when you are readily available to him, everything's whatever. But when you are available to anyone you want, this is unacceptable because he doesn't want to lose you to someone else. Backwards, I know. . .lots of nuts and bolts missing.

Encouraging words to hold back those tears and erase those fears:
"If you're not being treated with love and respect, check your "price tag". Perhaps you have marked yourself down. It's YOU who tells people what you're worth by what you accept and expect. Get off the "clearance rack" and get behind the glass case where all the "valuables" are kept. Bottom line: VALUE yourself more and others will too."

"A real man never hurts a woman (intentionally, let's be realistic). Be very careful when you make a woman cry because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib. NOT from his feet to be walked on. NOT from his head to be superior. But from his side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected. And next to the heart to be loved."

I ran across these quotes on Facebook. I am not taking credit for them.

Return of the Joker

I have been told all my life that I have 2 levels: really high and really low. When I'm happy, I'm ecstatic. When things go wrong, I panic. To the naked eye, this makes me seem like a lot to handle and, when it comes to relationships, I am overlooked because of this. However, what they fail to see is the benefits of the extremes. When I give, I give my absolute all, to my very last. When I love, it is a love you will never forget. When we fight, it's only because something went wrong and I am passionate about making things right. I give my full attention, support, and dedication to making or helping your dreams come true. I am selfless almost to the point of destruction.

Now I'm no fool. I don't just give away this kind of treatment. If you are lucky enough to be offered the benefits of my affection, you're the fool for walking away. But don't worry. I'm not phased by you turning me down. You'll be back.

x + y = z

Why can't relationships be that simple? Have enough "givens" to be able to solve the equation. . .If I am the X, just knowing who the Y is would make things simple as pie. All I would have to do is figure out the inbetweens to get the equation to balance out.

Down for the count

So I just found out that another one bites the dust. He had a gf, yet he made it clear that he wanted me (in addition to her); however, I acted appropriately because I am not a homewrecker. But it was blown to a whole different level when I discovered that she LIVED with him. . .SMDH
(Side note: what makes a guy think that I will ever date him if he comes after me while he is in a relationship???)

It seems that people tend to blame me for the bad experiences I have had while in Winston Salem. I refuse to take the blame for the ruthless behavior of these guys; however, at what point do I take responsibility? Maybe I have made myself too easy and accessible. (I don't necessarily challenge the motives of their approach because, apparently, it is a huge step for him to approach me.)  Maybe I get too comfortable after the initial contact turns into decent conversation. (What can I say? I'm a homebody at heart!) Maybe I just think too simply sometimes. (When the words leave my lips, it's simple conversation. By the time those same words reach his ears, it's a cry for a lover???)

I think I should just go back to my roots: being super unattainable. Absorb myself in school and lab. Turn down every guy. If he is too cute to pass up, then he can talk to me/text me every now and then, but turn down all invitations for a date. If he is persistent and refuses to take no for an answer, well. . .I'll cross that bridge if/when I come to it.
(Side note: isn't it funny that as soon as I declare this out loud, all the men in Winston Salem want to pop out the woodwork and speak to me? Time to practice all the polite ways to say no!)

Man Hunt Called Off

The experiences that I have had with the male species while in NC has been enough to start a drama television series. . .and I haven't even been here a full year yet! Some of my friends think I am "reaching" for a man. Does accepting offers to meet new people in a new place really qualify as "reaching"? I didn't think so. I am just tired of having a sole friend to do everything with. . .we don't want to exhaust each other! We need to enlarge our circle. . .at least take on a third musketeer. But our search for one has come up empty thus far and the odds of us finding one look pretty sad. This weekend alone has made me think that life as a hermit would be time well spent.

Let's start with Friday. I accepted an invitation to a dinner/movie date. I didn't know a dinner/movie date could turn out so awful! Here is the itemized deduction list of the evening:
1. I arrived and he wasn't ready.
2. A turn of events led me to have to pay for myself.
3. I was expected to be around smoke despite knowing my distaste for it.
4. A gun was brought into the picture. . .and apparently was coming with us to the movies (for 'protection' not coercion!)
5. My dog sitter called and I had to cancel plans (btw, I waited 2 hours for these plans to even get rolling).
6. After all of this, HE felt that dating just wasn't worth it. . .???
The recurring question is "Where do I find these guys?" I would like to propose and amendment to that question: "Why do these guys find me??"

On to Saturday. I went out to visit my cousin who is a professional athlete (minor league baseball -- Go Mudcats!! LoL). I was excited to see him as well as try to catch me a baller LoL. Unfortunately, most of his teammates are married/have kids. Oh well. The night was still young and we had plans to go to downtown Raleigh. My cousin, a true gentleman, paid for everything that night: food, drinks, club cover, more drinks. No questions asked. He even said the golden words: "What are you bringing money for? You know you don't need to bring that!" I had a great time except for one thing: He's my cousin. I have been here for almost a complete year and have yet to experience this with a NC man. I don't believe they exist here.

On to Sunday. As I sat alone with my dogs thinking about my experiences, I came to a dismal realization: I just might be single for a very long time. I saw my life flash like this:
1. I spend 4+ years in NC working on my PhD and find no man in the meantime to fulfill my expectations of a man.
2. I get my PhD well before I am 30! Yay! Downside: dating gets 10 times worse because I now have a title and I am not even 30.
3. I better start getting used to the idea of being a single mother. Bigger downside: dating is now obsolete for a good 15 or so years.
4. I turn 50 and I am single.

It's not my dream in life to be single forever. However, life can still be wonderful even if it turns out this way. Plenty of marriages don't last. The upside: I didn't have to go through a terrible marriage followed by a nasty divorce to end up at the same place many other people will!

Aaaah! My Favorite Song in the Whole Wide World!

I thoroughly enjoyed my mini-vacation to Washington DC. Two and a half days in a big city was pure magic! The universe was in complete alignment for me and I soaked up every minute of it. My favorite night was Friday night. Me and my girls took a trip to The Park: 4 floors plus an enclosed patio filled with grown and sexy men and music! Never have I seen so many fine men in one place having a good time! Needless to say, I need more business cards LoL. The 7 hour drive up (3 hours of that was in traffic in VA) was totally worth the trip. The 5 hour drive back was so depressing. This just goes to show that W-S in not my last stop. DC, my lover, I will be back much sooner than later!

Hollywood Swingin'

I cherish the weekends where I have nothing pressing to do for school or lab. I lay around the house like a bum and attempt to avoid leaving for any reason except to walk my dogs. . .that is until I look in my fridge and pantry and see no easy snacks to satisfy my tingling taste buds. A quick trip to the grocery store is now in order.

After I grab my few items, I head to the checkout which are all conveniently lengthy. As I wait behind this lady, she laughs and points at all the tabloids and says, "I don't understand why anyone would want to be famous!" I can certainly agree with her amusement. Why would anyone want to have their private life so publicly splattered? I mean, seriously. . .your life serves as entertainment at the GROCERY STORE CHECKOUT LINE. Socially famous people must be required to have great nonchalant, laid back personalities in order not to lash out and damage their image.

My response to the woman was a laugh as well since the first thought to come to mind was, "Try being from Southern Cali where EVERYONE wants to make it big." I proceeded to make a mental list of all the people I have met, some of which are good friends, that want that lifestyle. What became even more amusing to me was that this list of people floating in my head was also a list of people that hated drama and yet were continuously involved in drama! They lash out at any and everyone who speaks bad about them; they want to fight over he-said-she-said lies spread about them. They don't exactly take criticism well, nor do they shake off haters very well. But you want to be a rapper/singer/actor?

This is why I would like my fame to come in the form of a Nobel Prize :)

Southern Hospitality

The "Southern Mentality" is very different. I have noticed that people are happy, chatty, even chivalrous! These are qualities I can certainly appreciate as I get older, however I have also noticed that people here tend to settle down VERY early.

As I get older, I just don't understand it. At 22 years, sure I have the dream that I one day I will find the one man I will spend the rest of my life with, get a house, have kids, and live the good life. But at 22 years, I know that even if I have found "The One", he isn't nearly ready for my dream as I would like him to be. And neither am I. We haven't experienced enough of life to handle the kinks and bumps in the road with grace, much less a pleasant attitude. We're not settled in one place since education tends to create great travel opportunities. Not to mention the fact that I can barely maintain a steady relationship with Grad School itself, much less a guy with needs and emotions.

So how is it that so many people are getting married, buying houses, and having kids before they can rent a car? Is it really possible that things change so drastically within the 5 years I am pursuing my advanced degree? Or are they just the future of the contributing parties to the ever increasing divorce rate? I wonder if, when I do get married, I will begin to see the opposite happening. . .all these early marriages coming to an end. . .that would be ironic!